Where Did Acacia Woman Come From?
My journey of self-discovery and healing through Motherhood.
Acacia Woman was born out a barren and destroyed inner space, where there seemed to be nothing left.
Then a choice was made to plant a seed. That seed was nurtured by life and grew into a magnificent, strong Acacia Tree, with deep roots and high branches that sustain it allow it to flourish.
The tree is everything to everyone, a place of warmth, nourishment & protection. The tree is a Woman, A Goddess.
The journey of Acacia Woman developed from London Mum. In 2011 I had my first son, after a traumatic birth experience I had undiagnosed PTSD and a childhood trauma had been triggered to the surface.
When I became pregnant for a second time 20 months late, I knew I needed to get support, something was not right beyond the 'norma;' struggles of motherhood. I was not enjoying my life, my relationship or motherhood. I loved my son deeply but internally I was struggling, life didn't feel fun or enjoyable and I felt broken.
I self-referred and requested medium term CBT, as I knew a short term course of therapy would not suit me.
During one of the sessions, the therapist led me through a visualisation where the memories and people I had struggled with were disintergrated. I left feeling slightly relieved but also uncomfortable, all that came to mind was 'is that it?'
I had left the visualisation with an image of a pile of ashes. This wasn't in line with who I was, nor did it seem to support me growing or developing. Yes everything had been mentally destroyed but was going to come in it's place?
I needed something in it's place, or my life would be made up of a pile of ashes. Destruction of the bad would be the defining moment of my healing and that did not feel nourishing to me.
Sitting on the tram that afternoon, travelling home at 8 months pregnant I had a moment of change. In my mind I decided to plant a seed in that nutrient rich ash of my mind. The ash that was rich with experience, hope, energy and transformation.
I mentally watered the seed I had planted and it grew, it grew tall and mighty in the land I grew in, the wilds of Africa. I stopped and took in what had grown - a healthy tree, an Acacia tree.
I realised instantly that I was that tree. I placed my feet on the ground and imagined the roots coming out of my feet and going deep into the earth, I was connected.
The deeper my roots went, the higher my branches could soar and stretch and they did. Opening up to take in the warmth and nourishment of the sun. Drinking the water deep from the ground.
I knew though that my tree was not just about my growth but what I could give as a result. I was a mother now, my branches were strong and offered protection to my children. A place to place, lay and rest, I place to feed, find shelter and to look up to. Strong roots to support them.
I was also a place for comfort, solace and beauty for those who chose to come to me. I could look out onto the landscape and be inspired by all those around me.
As I got off the tram that tree stayed with me. It stayed throughout the night, the day, the week and now the last few years and is still here now.
That moment changed my life. The choice to take the pain and desruction and to chose a life to grow out of it changed the course of my journey.
I started to grow and nourish myself in a way I had not been nurtured by others, so I could sustain myself and create the life I wanted, for myself a but also those I look after.
Are you on a journey of discovery? I would love to hear your experiences.
Sakina is a mum of 2 and founder of Tranquil Birth supporting women and their families around their birthing experiences with Hypnobirthing and Birth Trauma Resolution Therapy.