Skip to main content

Do Something That Scares You

This week I had an audition. As a trained actress that in itself  doesn't sound like something too radical or scary but the context is that I have been out of the 'loop' for about 4 years and added to that this audition required me to Rap. Yes you heard it - RAP! 

Anyone that has met me would say I am about as far from being 'Street' (if that is still even the cool term) as a Country Lane! Needless to say the thought of walking into a room of people watching me and having to have 'Swagger' (had to Youtube that to know what it was) whilst speaking very fast, musically to a backing tune was enough to turn me into a Tena user. 

Interestingly though, I didn't respond to the email with a 'No' rather a funny thought entered my mind, it was the image of me dancing and singing in my living room to Rhianna and various other very cool artists. This idea that I could, maybe for that moment be something that I would not normally allow myself to be in public excited me. My secret fantasies of being a cool, rhythmic goddess took over my better judgment and I procrastinated, that and I could not think of a good excuse to refuse that didn't look totally wet. After 2 days and being chased for an answer I oddly said 'Yes'. 

That was the beginning, from that point on I started to think about reason, excuses I could give to get myself out of this pickle I had created. Then it dawned on me that I may actually have to do this and I set about learning the lyrics. After 2 children and 6 continuous years of sleep deprivation, words don't stick in my mind like they once did, especially when I have no idea of what they mean.

I read and listened for a day. Then it was time to walk over. I was petrified but also wasn't really thinking about the reality of what I was about to do, potentially make a complete fool of myself at my only audition so far this year. As I walked to the Casting Studios, my knees and legs were shaking but I kept walking, unable to think of a good enough excuse to turn round. I walked up the stairs, signed in and waited.

Other actors arrived, clearly up for the same part. They knew all the words! I felt myself comparing my inadequate learning effort with theirs and again wondering at what point it would be respectable to say I had to leave as I had been waiting too long. I re-read the lyrics and berated myself for not bringing headphones so I could prepare fully.

Then I had a breakthrough. It dawned on me that what I was scared of was what others would think of me but more importantly what I would think of myself. I had always been a bit clumsy and had a gait throughout my teens, whilst other girls had natural grounding and the seeming ability to hold their space with confidence. I had been shy and awkward and I was facing that aspect of me and asking myself if I could show something else, another me that only came out when I thought no one was looking. I was ultimately facing my own limiting beliefs about myself and asking myself to step out of the box of 'me' that I had spent years creating - 'this isn't me' I told myself as I looked for excuses to abandon my challenge but today I was going to own it and it was going to be Me. I was going to give up my self-criticism, self-consciousness and self-limitations, I was not that excited about keeping all of those anyway.

I took a breath and embraced all those feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, as well as potential and realised that I owed it to myself to be the coolest queen I could be, no matter what anyone else thought because I was the one who had something to gain. I had the ability to give myself confidence, opportunity and a sense of pride that I gave it my best and overcome every self-critical thought that was running through my head. I decided to let go and if I could do nothing else, then I would give the best of me that was available that day, so I could be proud of me.

And I did. The music came on and the nerves came but I gave those moves everything I had available at that time. I felt like I was in my living room, no one watching and I was free to imagine, pretend I was a musical goddess with a body that just flowed with the sounds around me. Words hardly left my mouth but it didn't matter.

I have no idea how it was received, someone said "I really liked that" which was nice but ultimately I didn't care. I walked out pumped; I had overcome a fear, a limitation in myself and for the next day I felt invisible. I was terrified and I did it anyway, with everything I had. What self-criticism could I give myself for that? I gave myself a gift of challenge, pride and resilience.

That feeling didn't end there, taking that little step to do something that scared me, changed me. I have felt much more confident to express my authenticity since, in my voice, behaviour and intentions.

So I invite you, do something that scares you a little, however small that may be but to ask yourself to overcome some limitation and congratulate yourself for taking action. It could be the start of something magical...


Popular posts from this blog

5 Ways To Deal With Emotional Overwhelm As A Mother

Alongside the joys being a mother can be difficult; dealing with emotions of others whilst also having to manage our own issues and emotions can be challenging and lead to overwhelm.
A classic sign of this can be fight, flight, freeze or fawn: wishing we could be somewhere else, feeling like we are wanting to get away, change the situation, wirthdrawing into ourselves or excessively putting others needs before our own. 
So what can we do to support ourselves as mothers when our children feel challenging and time, privacy and external support may not be readily available?
Here are 5 things you could try:
Take a Break
The to do list can feel endless, the children are in overwhelm and every sense bit of patience within feels like it’s escaping. This can be a good time to stop, take a pause and re-group. Take a break with a cup of tea, step out for a walk, go to another room and do something that’s about you. 
Ask for Help
A partner is not always available but where else can we get physical and …

Buying a House and Home? A RICS Survey isn't Enough, Here Are My Tips From Experience

Here I am 18 months after we bought what we thought was our dream home.  We sold our smaller house as we outgrew it with growing kids and to be honest we always intuitively felt that the house layout was not the right overall for our family.  So we made the decision not to go through extensive building works which would lead to spiralling costs and upgrade to a larger house, where the work has already been undertaken even though we may pay a little more for that finish.

We found the house we thought ticked all our boxes.  The layout was perfect, the location great and the price worked.  We put in an offer that was kept on hold until our house was sold.  The following week our house was on the market with Purple Bricks (be wary of the conveyancing charge if you opt to pay after the sale) and a week later we had an offer, so we were off!

Armed with a mortgage offer (which is a mission in itself to secure) we thought all was good, despite the slighly odd arrangement with the tennant who…

Money Mindset Part I - Defining my Relationship with Money and Building my Sense of Value and Esteem

'Find a penny, pick it up and all day you'll have good luck'
'Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves'

When you see or hear about money what comes into your mind?

For me it was easy come, easy go - to be honest.  There never seemed to be enough money and even large amounts seemed to float through and out of my life and I could never really account of where it went, it certainly didn't grow and I had no connection to it at all, in fact I have come to realise I was actually scared of it.

My first money mindset work was to get to grips with my money. I always avoided looking at the accounts and having to see it dwindle away, feeling like there was never enough and always going into thousands of pounds of overdraft as I had no management of it at all.
So rather than just create an excel budget (which I did and was really helpful to actually see what I had coming in and therefore what I could actually AFFORD to spend) I also wanted to track…