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3 Steps to Peaceful Truthful Relations

In the last couple of months I have made a commitment to myself and therefore to others as well, to relate better to those around me, particularly but not exclusively, in intimate relationships. This is an extension of my commitment to love myself and to create the life I want and dream of for myself. This in turn changes how others relate to me.

I realised that all communication can be broken down into these steps, the order and practice of each is essential in peaceful and honest communication and love:

1. To know what we want and what our needs are. 
2. To be able to express these desires clearly, calmly and honestly. 
3. To be able to listen to and have respect and compassion for the needs of others. 

Number one is not as easy as it seems, it requires a connection and a knowledge of ourselves that is honest and open, untainted by ego and reaction to others - which leads to conflict in all its forms. 
How often do we think we know what we want but it's really a response to hurt, disappointment or fear?  When we have knowledge of what we truly want,  we can ask for it from another. 

The second stage of communicating clearly means we have to keep our channels of our own inner voice open and focussed, so that we present our desires. Its about not letting bad habits and old reactions creep in. It's about loving ourselves enough to make our wants physical, giving them vocal presence and putting them out into the world in order to create them. 

The third only comes when we have mastered the first two steps, for how can we truly listen to others and help them create their wants until we know how to do it for ourselves first. Giving to others what we won't give to ourselves ultimately leads to resentment.

Each step is a practice but practice makes perfect!

Sakina is a Mum of 2 boys and Founder of Tranquil Birth


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