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Learning to love what is...

Many years ago, I met special friend who I had known for many years, we were both actresses at similar stages in our careers and I was her agent for a while.
Although her life had also changed, I notice in me how something from the past, a longing, was triggered when I met her, an idea that I hadn't achieved something, my dreams had been unfulfilled and I had somehow failed.

When I stopped to check myself I realised my life was full and abundant and included all the things I had dreamed about. A loving partner, 2 beautiful children, a comfortable home and a work/life balance. My life offered me the opportunity to be fulfilled and peaceful but something in me challenged me from embracing that and experiencing its beauty to the full. 

What was missing was self love and a complete attention and love for what is in my life RIGHT NOW.

My life had been one in which I had never fully appreciated or enjoyed the present moment.  There was always a sense that the grass was greener on the other side and that idea deprived me from enjoying all the wonderful things that had been with me throughout my life. It was time for a change, time to learn to love life, by loving each moment fully and also vitally importantly loving myself in each moment, without self-judgement and self-criticism.

To enjoy my life and honour it, meant to honour and love myself. This then extended out to honouring and loving all the other magical people and opportunities in my life. 

In principal this seemed easy, but what about those times when I was bored, comparing myself to others, feeling like a failure and when things just felt really hard?

There was no one answer to this, no quick fix. My sense of lack was layered and complex but there were many ways and tools to counter it and finally see everything there ACTUALLY IS . The grass would never be greener anywhere else because where ever I'd go, I'd take myself with me. It is me that had to change in order for my life to change.

 My approach was and still is multi-layered, this is now my personal daily  practice:

1. Breathe daily and be grateful to be here and having the opportunity to experience life.

2. To accept my feelings and myself as I am, warts and all.

3. To find things to be grateful for daily and to write them down and take time to love them.

4. To fully enjoy my mind, body and people around me,  while I have the opportunity.

5. To wake up every day and be the best version of myself that is possible to be that day.

6. To take action in the areas I need to, in order to feel clearer and more open to myself.

I can honestly say I feel internally enlivened and full of resources since I started this. To the outside eye, I may not look any different but I feel like I am living a whole new life and finally being the person I want to be.  If anyone else if feeling stuck or not fully present, I say go for the change, what have you got to lose??


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